A woman gets on a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

She says to a man next to her, “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

There once was a blind old man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,

“Wow, these seats are big!”

“Everything is big in Texas.”, the person next to him answered.

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.

Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!”

“Everything is big in Texas.”, the bartender replied.

After a couple of beers, the blind old man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.

The bartender replied,

“Second door to the right.”

The old man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over a bucket and skipped the second door.

Instead, he entered the third door, which leads to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to d*ath, the blind old man started shouting…

“Don’t flush, don’t flush!”

Poor Old fool” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub.

So he invited the old man inside for a drink.

As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked,

“So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied,

“You’re the eighth.”